Empowerment, honesty, and humbleness!

I can't believe that the month of January 2010 will soon be over. I'm still not quite used to writing 2010. It just feels and looks funny to me. I can recall years ago when I was a pre-teen watching science fiction movies and everything would take place in 2010. Cars would be floating in the air along with people living on mars. Back then, even though I was young, the year 2010 just seemed like it was a fantasy. It seemed like a time that was unimaginable. It's funny, I'm now 42 soon to be 43 and I still feel like a kid a times. I look around me and at times feel like life stands still, but when I look at the world I'm living in and compare my childhood with that of my son, I know that things have changed.

It's funny when you're young, you don't think about what you'll do in life that will affect someone else. Right now, there are so many things I'm working on to change my life and the lives of others. I want to grow this, develop that, and then share it with the world. I'm at times overwhelmed. And when that happens, I know that I must let something that I want go. I purged some things from my life yesterday. They were making me money, but it just became too difficult to manage and my heart was no longer in it. I know you have no idea what I'm talking about, and that doesn't really matter. What matters is knowing when to let go and when to fight.

I have to be honest as I always try to be. I haven't been fasting this month as I challenged myself to and I haven't been raw. But, with each passing day, I realize that I have been commissioned to help others through my own actions. I have sooooo many people joining my YouTube channel that I can't keep up with the responses to them all. But when I look around at what it is that I'm suppose to be doing, I realize it's helping others to change their lives by changing what they eat. I know this seems like a huge responsibility, but things don't get heavy until you try to do too much or your heart's just no in it. Helping others and wanting to change my life seems so natural to me right now. I truly desire to share my thoughts and experiences with others. I've always wanted to help others, but didn't really know how. Sometimes, what we go through in life isn't about us, but about those that we touch with our own stories.

I was on YouTube today trying to thank some new subscribers, and I came across this young man who had what I thought to be an awesome video. I've featured it here as the video of the month. His name is Dana and what he said about our relationship with food was just so eloquent and true. It opened my eyes to myself. I want this change for myself, but I think at times that I want it more for others. Tomorrow, I will start my fast, and I will succeed. I have too many people relying on me to not do my best. Thank you God for the help of others. There are so many people who I've never met that listen to what I say. Never before did I ever think I'd be a leader. Thank each of you so much for believing, trusting, and caring!

I saw this video today and it just humbled me so much. A lot of people have their own opinions about Michael Jackson. But to me, he was one of the greatest examples of love for others that I've ever seen. I will miss his humanitarian affects upon our world.

146/90

The title of this blog is my blood pressure reading for this morning.  I've been having this unexplainable sensation in my head, but I know what it stems from.  It's because my blood pressure is too high.  Some might think that 146/90 isn't that bad.  I've seen worse, but it's not what you see, it's what you don't see.  Things like your heart valves being damaged along with the vessels that supply blood to your eyes, kidneys, and every other organ in your body.  And OMG, what about the blood vessels in the brain? 

I have to admit it, I haven't been on a raw diet in forever. I can't even remember when I was strictly raw.  The weight that I lost earlier in the year, it's back along with more weight.  Yesterday, after I'd showered and gotten dressed, I was sweating profusely.  I got so upset with myself for being in my condition, which is fat and getting fatter.  My clothes are so uncomfortable and for the first time in my life, I am so uncomfortable being in my own skin.  I've never in my life been this big.  I got angry at myself for knowing better.  I got angry for not following through with my desire to heal my body and help others.  I got angry with myself for eating just for the pleasure it gives me and ignoring all the risks.

With the sensations that I'm feeling in my body, I'm learning how delicate my body actually is.  Last month I had my annual eye exam, and I asked the doctor why it seems that my eyesight continues to decline.  She stated that age plays a factor.  At times when we hear this, we try to dismiss it, but it's not because we're getting old, but because our eyes are made of living tissue and when we don't provide the nutrients the body needs to heal, thrive, and replenish itself, it dies.  That was an OMG moment!  I'd never thought of it in that way.

With it being the holidays, I figured I'd wait and start all over on January the 1st, but with what I'm experiencing, I might not live to see it.  Yes people, it's just that serious.  What would I gain from eating all those holiday goodies and suffer a stroke that would leave me paralyzed?  I was speaking with the nurse who checked my blood pressure this morning and she was saying how we know what to do, but for some reason we don't.  She too is overweight, so it was like looking into a mirror and talking to myself. 

Sometimes it takes something bad to happen to wake you up.  This is my wake up call.  I know I've said it before, but I've got to make a change.  I don't want to be prescribed any more pills that I have to take for the rest of my life simply because I don't make the changes in my life that I should.  I can control what I eat and if I do that, my body will do the rest.  Now, I'm not stupid.  I have an appointment with my doctor next week, but if I feel an emergent need to have this issue resolved, I will see her sooner.  I am currently on medications for hypertension, but when they start to fail, I know it's time for me to do my part.  I am a beautifully designed complex work of art.  My body works as a fine tuned precision machine, but without the proper maintenance, the artwork is ruined and the machine ceases to function. 

I fasted yesterday and today I am consuming a green smoothie, fresh fruits and vegetables.  I intend to eat this way until the first of the year.  I will be celebrating the holidays with my family, which of course includes our favorites dishes, but this year, it's going to be a lot less for me.  I am going to do the best that I can to become healthy and remain that way.  It's not about what's good to the tongue, but what's best for my survival.  Look out hypertension, because I'm determined to kick your ASS! 

Holiday Sneer

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and Christmas is just around the corner. For some reason, I'm really not in a holiday type of mood. I love the holidays, but each year I seem to look at them differently. Each year the church I attend has a big dinner for the bus ministry. The people how ride the buses are at times homeless. The church asks that everyone pitch in and prepare food. This year the food list was alphabetized according to the first letter of your last name you were to bring a certain item. I felt good in preparing the food and I wanted to make sure it tasted good. But, that very idea has me a little bothered.

As we all know, just about every American festivity has food as the centerpiece. How did it come to be that food became such a staple in a celebration? I know the history of the pilgrims and the Native Americans, but everything nowadays is about stuffing your face. I tend to want something different for the holidays, but I don't really know what. Maybe a cruise to some place I've never been would make me feel more excited. I know, I know, I have so much to be thankful for, but I try to be thankful everyday of the year. I don't just wait for a holiday to tell someone I love them or to give thanks and help someone in need.

Then there's Christmas and the desire to give to others. Why is it that we always give something material? Why not give your time? Why not give someone knowledge? If you're a coupon clipper and you save hundreds a month on grocery items, why not share that with others? Each year my mom runs around wanting to get this and that for her grandchildren and each year it's the same. The desire is there, but the money - not so much! My son has two parents; my niece and nephew have two parents. We all do the best that we can for our children everyday or we try to, and Nana is always giving to the children throughout the year. So why does she allow herself to feel bad because she can't do what she wants at Christmas?

My nephew’s birthday is this coming Saturday and my mom got him a gift. She also got a gift for my niece and my son. I told her I didn't agree with that. Life isn't about getting things all the time. I've learned that if we teach our children to always receive, they'll never learn how to give. And trust me, when you raise a child in this manner, it's very hard to change their minds.

But I didn't start this blog to write about birthday gifts and selfishness. I guess, I'm just sounding off about the things that I don't particularly care for. I'm noticing how people are so brainwashed, including me. If we've done something all our lives we feel it's something that should always be done and handed down to our kids. I think we should stop making a big deal out of the holidays in a material aspect. Maybe we should spend Thanksgiving by fasting. Maybe on the very day that we over eat the most, we could go without. Maybe for Christmas, instead of giving a gift, we could give our time and ourselves.

Another thing, why is it that we go against the grain, people who've known us all our lives act as if they don't because you no longer eat meat or cooked food? Why can't people be accepting of others and not make a big deal out of their lifestyle changes? What if I decided not to give my son gifts for Christmas, would that really be a travesty? Is there a law somewhere that says I must give him gifts at Christmas? And who says it's tradition? Aren't we the ones who start traditions?

If this is your first raw holiday, I wish you the best! I hope that your families greet you with open arms and open minds. May they respect you enough to prepare something that you can eat, and may they not tease you about it. If you're been raw for years and still get flack from your family, make something raw for them, but don't tell them until after dinner is over and it's long gone down the gastric canal. For those who were raw, but have fallen off the wagon, don't give up. Each day sparks a new chance to make a change. Decide what it is that you want and why you want it. Don't let the naysayers bother you into thinking that you're wrong. Eat your turkey and dressing, but keep the thoughts in the back of your mind that you will make a change - once and for all. And for those who haven't tried the raw food diet, but intend to, you'll be glad you did, but you might want to wait until after the holidays so it isn't such a shock to you or your family. But, if you're ready now - go for it! There are plenty of raw holiday meals out there.

Well, I guess I'll shut up now. I feel like this blog post was a bit scatter brained, but maybe that's were I'm at right now - all over the place! Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving - gobble gobble :D